In response to recent reporting of suicide bombers stuffing exposives where the sun doesn’t shine, Dr. Mike Waller of has a gem entitled “How to Counter Al Qaeda’s butt-bombs.” Reprinted below in its entirety due to its non-politically correct nature:

Al Qaeda has flummoxed security experts with its new tactic of evading detection systems by hiding explosives and detonators inside the bodies of suicide bombers.

The method redefines what it is to be an “assassin.”

The new trick came to light last month in a Saudi palace when an Al Qaeda operative, claiming to want to surrender, exploded in a failed attempt to murder the Saudi prince in charge of counterterrorism operations. The terrorist stuffed a pound of explosives and a detonator up his behind (or perhaps one of his buddies did it for him) in order to foil bomb detectors.

What I’m about to propose is gross and disgusting and downright insensitive. But it’s culturally appropriate. And it’s a quick, inexpensive way to see if we can damage terrorist recruitment and neutralize this new and dangerous Al Qaeda murder tactic. So here goes.

Rather than get alarmed about lacking the technical means to detect such bomb smugglers, we should use Arab and Islamic (and generally universal, lowbrow, adolescent) cultural traits to make terrorists too ashamed and embarrassed to turn their bottoms into bombs. And to humiliate their supporters.

This tactic is begging for ridicule. Terrorists hate being ridiculed. Sexually repressed young men hate being ridiculed. Islamist extremists hate being ridiculed. Mockery stains their honor. Most terrorists are sexually repressed Islamist extremist young men.

Therefore, it’s time for the US and its allies, as well as the Saudis, to turn on the laughs by making fun of the butt-bombers. We can all think of ways to ridicule these weirdos in English – oh, the metaphors are just too plentiful and too crude to list here – and the Arabic language is likewise awash in backdoor humor. To say nothing of Pashto.

Let’s start making fun of Osama bin Laden and his butt-stuffing buddies in Al Qaeda, and see how long this terrorist fad lasts. (My money is on the US being too politically correct to give this a try, but I hope I’m wrong.)

Rather than fear these freaks, we should be mocking them. In every country, in every language. It’s perfect for the uber-homophobic, repressed, pseudopious culture in which the terrorists live. Let’s see how many macho young men really want to meet their fate with the world knowing this: That their last act of piety was packing their fanny full of phallic-shaped C-4 and having their buddy detonate them with a cell phone text message.

Let’s see how many virgins that buys them in the next life. And how many other Islamist extremist boys want to emulate him.

Bonus points: Al Qaeda is officially promoting the butt-bomber tactic in a new video it recently posted on the Internet. So we can pin this on Bin Laden personally, and take down his persona a notch or two with some good, old-fashioned locker-room laughs.

What say you gentle reader?

Posted by Jim Dolbow in Homeland Security

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  • Who want to be a TSA employee now? Interesting addition to KSAs.

    Well, from birth, at least bomb-sniffing dogs come with right instinct on this challenge.

    It has come to this. P.I.T.A. has a whole new meaning.

  • This would be Information Warfare at its finest.

  • Derrick

    This was one of the most profound and intelligent articles on combatting terrorism I have encountered so far.

    Given fundamentalist Islamic views on sodomy, I think such a propaganda tactic would have a huge negative impact on Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda’s popularity with Islamic fundamentalists.

  • Bill

    Might be the basis for a new Prepapration-H add campaign in there…somewhere…?

    The interwebs jargon ‘got butt hurt’ seems inadequate here.

    I can see it now: “Mamoud was anal about the details of preparing for a mission”.


  • Dee Illuminati

    I would imagine suggesting that the proponents of this tactic did so for sexual reasons would not be well received in Islamic communities.

  • Dee Illuminati

    “It wasn’t a heinous crime it was an anus crime.” Jay Leno

  • G-man

    Surely this reeks of ass-symetric warfare. And the ass-ociated press would never let us publicly humiliate those poor muslim procto-bombers. but to paraphrase the words of our departed leader “ass not what your Al Qaeda can do for you, ass what you can for Al Qaeda”

  • Byron

    Well, I can see most of you failed “Punning 101”. I suggest you look at this a bit more seriously and realize that Al-Queda will not stand for being the butt of these pitiful attempts at humor 😉

  • RickWilmes

    Two words:

    Blowback Mountain

  • Fouled Anchor

    “…and having their buddy detonate them with a cell phone text message.” – With the receiving end set to ring or…um…you no where I’m going.

    All jokes aside, the article makes a very good point about the cultural aspects and the potential to exploit this tactic, to our benefit, from an info ops/psyop standpoint. There are also some potential indicators, from an intel perspective, about who might be planning to use this tactic. Without being graphic, I’m thinking about dietary changes and/or ‘cleansing’ preparations, as well as body language.

  • Bill

    Byron opined: ” I suggest you look at this a bit more seriously and realize that Al-Queda will not stand for being the butt of these pitiful attempts at humor ”

    Guess we both better keep our daytime jobs, huh? ;-p

  • Chap

    I saw the aftermath photos and have some contemporaneous reports. The fact that the guy was sitting down protected the prince from the blast, as the AQ man’s body blocked most of the damage in the prince’s direction. Some folks there are considering this a miraculous escape and a sign from God to increase pressure on the AQ/Arabian Peninsula, the opposite effect of what the AQ operative wanted.

  • Derrick

    I find Chap’s report very interesting and informative. Who are the folks considering this a miraculous escape and a sign from God?

    Though we must be careful, I’m sure Al Quaeda will not make an ass of themselves again and will train their operatives to point their buttocks in the correct direction…

  • RickWilmes

    Next time around they will probably drop trow and show a full mullah.

  • Seriously? Well I bet the victims of butt-bombs will not be amused if any official made jokes about this type of bombs. That the US government would join in this making-fun-of-terrorists think is a ridiculous belief. But everyone who is not an official representative might join 😉

  • Byron

    The most effective tool against religious fanatics is ridicule. We be ridicule-ing.

  • Ron Wheeler

    It would rather laughable if for some reason the wiring went wrong upon insertion of the Prep H butt bomb. I can just see Mamoud wondering if everyone else is hearing the ringing coming from his butt. “Mamoud, aren’t you going to answer that? After all, you always seem to have your head up your ***”

  • dj

    New product: Preparation H-Bomb!

  • dj

    New Islamic dance (replaces belly dancing): Butt Stuffin’ Boogie!

  • ken

    At least he might set the phone to vibrate for a last second thrill