WASHINGTON (April 1, 2010) — Top Army officials unveiled plans early today to relocate the massive Pentagon building to the western part of Kansas sometime this summer.

“This move will be a huge undertaking, but we determined it was a necessary step as we realign our force structure,” said one of the Army’s top generals.

“Once we started investigating the possibility of the move, we determined that it was not only critical to our efforts, but that it would be good for our employees and the environment,” the general continued.

The move, which is tentatively being planned for this August, will be one of the greatest undertakings ever attempted, according to the Wilbur Q. Johnson, who is a long-time Pentagon employee and who will also oversee the move.

“The move will take place in three primary phases,” said Johnson. “Initially we will use a giant crane to lift the building onto a barge in the Potomac River. From there we will float the barge down the Atlantic Coast and into the Gulf of Mexico. Then, we will sail the Pentagon up the Mississippi River to just south of St. Louis. In the final stage, we will place the building on large flat-bed trucks and drive it the rest of the way.”


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  • UltimaRatioReg

    But the barges may capsize, like Guam….

  • Paul

    Might not be a bad idea actually. Perhaps in Kansas they can improve the parking situation.

  • Spade

    God what that would do for traffic around DC.