One year ago, it may have appeared to the casual observer that my life and career were in order. I had recently completed a successful tour as commanding officer (CO) of USS Cole (DDG-67). Despite the rewarding and fulfilling experience of serving as captain of a warship, I became emotionally drained. I was spent to the point where I felt a fundamental change in my mind-set. Fatigued and unmotivated, I knew I did not have my mental A-game for the last several months of my tour. After a period of reflection following the change of command, I knew that if I were ever to lead sailors again, I would need help to get my mind and spirit back to where it needed to be.

To borrow a running analogy, I was well into my race when I “hit the wall.” Hitting the wall is when a runner depletes the body’s glycogen stores and starts to slow down because of a lack of fuel. No matter how hard you try, you cannot run faster because your body’s fuel tank is empty. Even running at a slow pace becomes extremely difficult.

When I hit the wall mentally, my enthusiasm and drive disappeared. I tried to keep a positive attitude. Kept my frustration and temper in check. Kept my door open and addressed an endless stream of issues reserved only for a CO. But the inherent challenges of operating a warship and the daily grind, exacerbated by COVID-19 matters, wore me down in a way I had never felt. I grew tired of going to the ship most mornings. Underway periods, typically a time of relative freedom and excitement, were endured. My anxiety spiked with every knock on my cabin door or every time the phone rang. As CO, I was simply punching the clock, doing a job, and hanging on until it was over.

The challenges we faced in the Cole were not unusual. The crew was exceptional and performed brilliantly despite the obstacles placed in their way. But I was not handling the stress of command well. I internalized my stress and feelings as much as I could. I became detached, irritable, and short tempered at home. Reflecting on that period of my life, I had lost my passion and entered a dismal place. I was not at my best. That was not fair to my sailors or my family. They deserved my best, and I could not give it to them.

After consulting an active-duty Navy doctor with whom I’d previously worked, and with the encouragement of my wife, I decided to seek counseling through Military OneSource. Military OneSource is a web-based platform designed to connect military members and their families with resources that can “help you overcome challenges, reach your goals and thrive.” I needed to talk to a professional about what I was feeling and why. If I were to ever get the wind back in my sails and be the leader I knew I could be—and needed to be—I knew I would not be able to do it alone.

Making the decision to talk with a therapist was hard; making the appointment was easy. I Googled the phone number for Military OneSource, called, answered a few perfunctory questions, and was connected with a local civilian therapist. The process took five minutes. What struck me was how simple and easy it was to get help. Yet, the impact of what I did changed my life. No paperwork, completely confidential, no questioning the validity of my issues, no passing judgment, no cost. It was clear to me that the military succeeded in making nonmedical mental health services easily accessible.

I met with my therapist every 4–6 weeks for 45 minutes to an hour. You have six months to use the 12 free sessions. If you do not use them in six months, you can extend in three-month increments (which is what I did, eventually extending for a total of 12 months). When calling to extend the service for three additional months, the process was quick and painless.

I learned a lot over the course of the year spent seeing my therapist. She challenged me with tough questions and forced me to look for answers deep within myself. She gave me homework: keeping a journal, books to read, techniques to use at work. The therapy sessions led me to a better understanding of my capabilities and limitations. With help, I was able to assess how I handled certain situations at work and home. Seeing a therapist on a consistent basis strengthened my psyche and gave me tools, tactics, and techniques to be mentally stronger and more resilient.

As I learned and grew, I had an “Aha!” moment. “I wish I’d started doing this while I was in command,” I told my therapist one day. Leaders of all ranks go through rough times. I realized that to gain the maximum benefit, therapy is better implemented prior to or during a mentally challenging period. Talking with a therapist after the fact is not bad, but an opportunity to affect a better outcome may have been missed. The challenge then becomes at what point do you decide to talk with a therapist. That decision will differ as everyone depletes their “resiliency reservoir” at different rates or may not have the self-awareness to know when they have lost their mental edge. Like a new officer of the deck trained to call the captain if ever in doubt, you cannot go wrong scheduling an appointment with a therapist if you think you need to.

We need to treat mental health with the same preventive approach that we do physical health. In the Navy, we tend to view mental health professionals as the rescue squad, the professionals who swoop in during a crisis, keeping it from spinning out of control. Suicidal? Go get help! Marriage on the rocks? Go get help! Depressed to the point of unable to function? Go get help! Why wait for the injury to happen before getting help? Resources such as Military OneSource, Chaplains, friends, or mentors can be used before reaching a mental health crisis.

Professionally, I have faced zero repercussions for seeing a therapist. I have a supportive chain of command that is more than accommodating and understanding when it comes to attending therapy appointments. In addition, I disclosed on my security clearance questionnaire that I have seen a mental health professional and have not experienced any negative consequences. Bottom line, I have not felt any stigma by seeing a therapist.

If the Navy is going to normalize the use of mental health professionals and create an environment in which sailors are not afraid to seek mental health services, action is necessary. The following are steps the Navy and the Department of Defense may take to change the culture and create a more resilient and tougher force.

• Incorporate a session on mental health into leader training and development curriculum. This session should be led by an active-duty service member with first-hand experience using mental health services and a mental health professional. These sessions can be incorporated wherever leaders are trained and developed: Navy Leadership and Ethics Command, Surface Warfare Schools Command, Chief Petty Officer indoctrination, USNA, ROTC, and OCS are a few possibilities.
• Expand Military OneSource resources to include medical (as opposed to nonmedical) services for mental health and create an equally expeditious path to receiving medical treatment for mental health (e.g., intense therapy by an M.D., medications, etc.). The barriers to receiving medical treatment for mental health are numerous when compared to nonmedical counseling. Often, exasperated service members resort to checking into the emergency room as a last resort to receive the treatment they desire and require.
• The Navy’s senior leaders can be more vocal about their own experiences with mental health services. There are senior leaders in the Fleet who have personally benefitted from these services. Hearing firsthand from these leaders would have a powerful impact on all ranks and send the message that there is no stigma when you see a therapist. Recently, an Air Force four-star general posted on Twitter his daily schedule, highlighting his mental health appointment. This is the type of bold example leaders need to emulate.

If you are not operating at peak performance and you find yourself losing your mental edge, the answer is not always to work harder or hang on until the end of your tour. Get help. There is no risk. No cost. Using the help of a mental health professional will make you a better leader, spouse, parent and shipmate, and you will set the example for your Sailors and change the narrative on mental health—leading to a stronger and more resilient Navy.