I belong to a group on Facebook called “Basic Mentoring.” It’s a place for everyone, regardless of rank, to come together and bounce ideas off each other, and discuss topics pertaining to leadership, mentorship, and how to handle current events while serving in the military. I reached out to the page and asked one simple question: What is one thing you wish you knew when you first started out in a leadership position? The answers I got were amazing! They consisted of simple yet effective tips and tricks that can boost your capabilities as a leader in any position as a member of society or someone who had served in the military. I hope you enjoy.  

#1: “Just because you are in a leadership position, doesn’t mean you cannot seek help.” – EM1, USN 

This is very important. Seeking help in whatever position you are in is beneficial not only for your morale and mental health, but also for your team’s overall well-being. To some people, seeking help may give other the perception that you are a weak leader or incapable of handling the position—but this is not the case. When you, as a leader, consult your team for help with ideas, problems, and solutions, you are showing your team you trust them. Trust is the biggest thing that will either make or break your team. When your team members stop coming to you with problems will be the day you lost their trust. If you don’t ever go to your team and ask questions about the issues on hand with possible solutions it shows that you do not trust them. You have to build on your strengths and your team’s strength to get the best possible outcome. One person’s weakness may be someone else’s strength. Learn about your team, learn what they like and don’t like, learn about the things that they struggle with and pair up your team members accordingly. Last thing—always, always, always, did I say always? BE GRATEFUL.  

#2: “How unappreciated you’ll be for doing the right thing when it isn’t what others want.” – CMDCM, USN 

This is one of the things a leader MUST understand. Most of the time, the decisions you have to make won’t be a favorable. This is why communication is so important. Don’t leave your team hanging out on a limb when you’re making a decision. Talk to them; ask them if they have any other possible solutions. Always ensure your team is fully knowledgeable about the decision you make and Charlie Mike. If the team doesn’t like the decision, then so be it. You are not in a leadership position to have others like you constantly; you are there to make tough calls and decisions. You will have bad days and you will have great days. Each day, you will learn something new about how to be a better leader and how to lead your team to success. You have to be accountable as a leader. Accountability is just as high up there with communication. You have to be willing to walk the walk, and not just talk the talk. Stand alongside your team during the hard times, and be willing to accept any heat that may come your way. Even though your decision might not have been a favorable among your team, they will respect you more for standing alongside them and learning along the way. You are no better than anyone on your team—you are all equals.  

#3: “The weight of giving top cover.” – HM3, USN 

Always protect your own, and they will protect you. If your team knows you have their back, they will have yours. Do whatever you can to ensure every member is taken care of at work and in their personal lives. When you become a leader, you are not just a leader in the workplace. You’re looked to as a mentor to your subordinates, so be kind and willing to assist with any issue they bring to you. Personal issues can translate into poor workplace performance.  

#4: “Not all higher ups will like your methods even though the results are better, as well as morale” – USN, AD 

You cannot be afraid of the backlash you will receive from the people above you for the choices you make. If you see something that can be better, get with your team and find a solution. You don’t always have the option to consult higher ups immediately about problems that arise. The authority you answer to will not always like this and might think you are stepping on their toes or undermining their authority. Communication is key here and you need to properly communicate and respectfully fight for what it is you are attempting to do. Great leaders don’t hesitate in making a decision just because they are afraid they will get in trouble, but they also do not make consistent rash decisions and not include their superior in the debrief. Your boss might have an insight that you did not immediately see.  

#5: “Confidence cannot replace competence.” – AWO1, USN 

For us to truly appreciate this leadership tip, it is important for us to understand the definition of both.  

Confidence: a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances.  

: Faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way. 

Competence: the quality or state of having sufficient knowledge, judgement, skill, or strength (as for a particular duty or in a particular respect).  

Do you see the difference? Confidence is a feeling, competence is a fact. Facts don’t care about your feelings. You can be the most confident person in this world, but if you lack competence in your job or field of study, you ultimately will fail your team. Become a subject matter expert, ensure your team trusts you to do the job right, effectively, and efficiently. This is not to say that confidence is overrated. It can be a great tool, when used as a tool and not the basis of your decision making capability.  

#6: “Humility” – LT, USN 

Be humble, don’t be arrogant. If you mess up, just own up to it. Your ego will be your downfall if you let it control your reactions.  

#7: “Never be the lowest person on the totem pole with a secret.” – LT, USN 

Communicate with your team, ensure everyone understands what is going on, and be willing to explain it in further detail if someone does not understand.  You do not want anyone left out when things are moving, especially when things move fast. Communication is important both ways, up and down the chain. Most of the time, it is your junior personnel who do most of the “dirty” work. Show your face to talk with your team and bounce ideas off each other. You never know the knowledge that someone can hold. The new guy might have a revolutionary idea that can push your team miles ahead. Never let your ego underestimate someone. 

#8: “Seek first to understand, then be understood.” – USN Chief, Retired 

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen to understand the message first, and then speak to educate others. It is nearly impossible to become a successful leader if you do to understand what your team is saying and actually hear them. It is okay to say you do not know something. In fact, this shows you are willing to grow and learn—a key aspect to becoming an extraordinary leader.  

#9: “You can learn just as much from a bad leader as you can from a good one. Observe and adopt the good and avoid the bad.” – FCCS, USN Retired 

This, times 100. If you are put in unfortunate situations where you have bad leaders, take the opportunity to learn and take notes. Learn what makes them such a bad leader and strive to never become that person. You may even learn more by watching them than you ever will from a good leader. One of my favorite quotes comes from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius: “Examine men’s ruling principles, even those of the wise, what kind of things they avoid, and what kind of things they pursue.”  

#10: “Being a better listener.” – MCPO, USN Retired 

 We can all do better with this. It is very hard to become a better listener if you don’t first learn how to listen. A few things we can do to be better with this is: 

1. Ask more questions. Stop asking “why” questions, they tend to make people defensive like you are trying to undermine their decision. Instead, try starting your questions with how, what, where, who, which. Sticking to more open-ended questions leads to better explanations. For example, “When that happened to you, how did that make you feel?” instead of, “Why did this happen? Why do you feel this way?” When you phrase a question like that, whether you realize it or not, it comes off as accusatory.  
2. Pay attention to your own speech. Public speaking is a vital skill as a leader. You must be able to articulate speech and be able to explain things in a simple way so everyone can understand. This is much easier said than done. You can practice this by recording your voice when you are speaking then going back over it and see where you could’ve elaborated more or less.  
3. Repeat back what you heard. Engage your speaker. Try responding with things that will keep the conversation going, opening it up for more ideas, such as, “and, how did that happen?, or “I understand.” These simple encouraging phrases will show that you are paying attention to them, and trying to understand them. 
4. Actually wait until someone is done talking before you respond. Two ears and one mouth for a reason. Interrupting someone is the quickest way for them to lose trust in your ability to hear them out. It tells them you are not listening and they will no longer waste time attempting to talk to you.  
5. Take time to process a thought before you speak. Even if you know the answer right away, take a few seconds to process their question or thought. You’ll be amazed to see the other answers you might think of. This will also show you are trying to better understand them and are not just there to speak your point of view.  
6. Engage the speaker with positive body language. Make eye contact. Eliminate distractions, which means don’t look at your phone or computer while someone is talking to you. Have an open body posture which means arms open with palms exposed or resting comfortably with your arms uncrossed. Lean in towards the speaker which shows a positive attitude in understanding what they are trying to say.