I woke this morning to an email from a friend in Germany. It is the greatest holiday message I’ve received this season. Perhaps one of the greats of all time. I thought I’d share it with the Naval Institute family for a laugh…and then I’m going to send it all the lawyers I know. And then to all of my uber PC friends. Let the feeling hurting begin…

—–Ursprüngliche Nachricht—–
Gesendet: Freitag, 23. Dezember 2011 11:55
Betreff: Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year

Dear Clients, Partners, Kith and Kin,

I wish you and yours a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May 2012 be prosperous, successful and free of negative incidents.

And now, from me (“the wishor”) to you (“hereinafter called the wishee”):

Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non- addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all… and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:-

* This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal
* This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
* This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
* This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
* This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
* The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish the sole discretion of the wishor
* Any references in this greeting to “the Lord”, “Father Christmas”, “Our Saviour”, or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

Yours faithfully,


Posted by Alexander Martin in Naval Institute

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  • Jay

    Why are evil people trying to take the Easter Bunny out of Christmas!?!?!? 🙂

  • Grandpa Bluewater

    Have a raspberry, Jay, they’re delicious. Have a whole bowl, with a little avocado as a garnish for holiday color.

    Warmest regards.

  • UltimaRatioReg

    Merry Christmas to all here!

  • Jay

    And a Happy Festivus! (many thanks to the briiliant Seinfeld writers for that…)