The aft lookout was having a routine morning on deployment when the Commodore, riding the ship for an exercise, sauntered up to him to share the sunrise and make small talk. “How are you this morning?” asked the captain of the Seaman. “I’m good,” he answered, as is the case 99 percent of the time. “What are you up to?” came the second question. “Not much” he replied, true to form in most similar situations. Then came the third question: “Tell me one thing that’s bugging you and what I can do to fix it?” Then the floodgates opened.
Turns out this Sailor had been at hospital corpsman school, one day from graduating, and was at a party when the police were called. Despite his not being part of the rowdy group and not drinking, all were cited for disturbing the peace and the next day he was summoned in to the front office, told that he would be sent to the fleet, and would not graduate. He ended up as a deck seaman on deployment, his dreams shattered. The Commodore shared this story with me at breakfast; as this Sailor’s commanding officer, I was surprised to hear the tale and despite some skepticism, decided to follow up. Sure enough, a bit of research led to the conclusion that a mistake had been made, the charges had been dropped, and he was eligible to reenter “A” school and graduate. A month later this happy Sailor flew home and walked across the stage with the next class; all this because my friend asked “the third question.”
Clearly there is more to the complex concept of leadership—it is important to set an example, do not ask things of your team that you are not willing to do, and provide both praise and discipline as necessary. But in the end, having served with and worked for about two dozen department heads, executive officers and commanding officers, I am convinced that the secret to good leadership is active listening. How to put this into practice? Try this: You are walking down the passageway and pass a member of your crew, or you are engaged in a routine interaction like a PMS spot check. You say, “How are you?” They say “Great.” You ask, “What are you up to,” and they say, “Not much”. For most of us, that’s the end of it. But try asking that third question: “What’s bugging you and what can I do about it?” Then, stand by!
We all have issues that worry us, keep us up at night, or stand in the way of success at work. It is easy to assume that after several years in the service, since you have figured out how to compartmentalize or solve these issues for yourself, so has everyone else. But maybe not. You almost certainly do not have all the answers, but you probably have the experience and breadth of knowledge to find out who does, and that can make all the difference—if you take to time to find out what the issue is. It could be well within your ability to solve; a new command policy that was not well explained, or has an unintended impact on a small group, or even just one individual. Or it could be something bigger—“I’m sleeping in my car because my wife kicked me out of the house” or “I can’t get the study materials for the advancement exam.” These are issues that came to light at the end of similar interactions during my career. Even if you cannot solve it, the fact that you listened will elevate you in the eyes of your subordinates.
In command, even as a department head or division officer, a good deal of our time is spent in “transmit” mode, under the assumption that a position of leadership implies that whatever you have to say is worth listening to. But I clearly remember the day a Sailor stopped me on the quarterdeck for a quick word: “Hey Captain, I just wanted to say that I really like the speeches you give!” Flattered, I asked him what he liked about them and his reply was immediate: “They’re really SHORT!” This article is the result of these two data points as they led me to a revelation—leadership means listening. Try it!
